Maya Angelou said “When someone shows you who they are believe them, the first time.”

It wasn’t that I didn’t believe he’s cruel. It wasn’t that I didn’t know he’s vindictive and spiteful when he’s hurt. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe his angry could lash like a whip off his tongue. I know him.

It wasn’t that I didn’t believe he could hurt me, because I handed that ability over after he wore me down with charm. I just didn’t think he would. I knew he was a narcissist, and I loved even his dark side. But I naively believed I was more than an ego salve. 

What I believed was the character in the story of us. I believed the part about me being different and special. I believed the lines of the script where I was cherished and loved. I believed he’d be gentle and loyal and noble with me. I believed he’d be strong for me. I fell in love with the scene where he’d be consistent and determined and committed and wouldn’t leave. I illustrated the page where we lived happily ever after.

In between the charm and professing of love, there were favors and manipulation and tantrums that showed me everything I needed to see.

I just closed my eyes because the vulnerable girl in me desperately wanted the story to be true.

I SEE YOU, NOW

You showed me who you are and

I tried to love the reasons

You showed me who you are and

I related like two souls meeting

You showed me who you are and

I showed up to hold the mirror

You showed me who you are and

I dismissed my aches and tremor

You showed me who you are and

I never excused or dismissed it

You showed me who you are and

I showed up to purchase a ticket

You showed me who you are and

I helped you set the stage

You showed me who you are and

I turned every single page

You showed me who you are and

I watched you leave, retreat

You showed me who you are and

I just watched the rerun, repeat

You showed me who you are and

I reread the story’s script

You showed me who you are and

I only then noticed the pages were ripped

You showed me who you are and

I believed your heart is true

You showed me who you are and

I know now I was only a Muse

You showed me who you are and

I missed the truth before us

You showed me who you are and

I always loved a good chorus

You showed me who you are and

I’m sorry it took me so long

You showed me who you are and

The tune you played…wasn’t my song

Maya Angelou was so incredibly poignant. When people show us who they are and we don’t believe them the first, the second or the third time, we have no one to blame but ourselves when we keep showing up.

I didn’t dodge a bullet.

I shot one. At myself.

Last night, the only part of me not scarred was cut open. And, today the last part of him left me.

As I say goodbye to the script of that beautiful story, this is my song for the day.

xo